@aparnapkin: Sometimes my stomach will make a noise and my brain will be like ok I never signed off on that
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@dmc1138: Someone should open a bar called "The Gym", so when I tell people where I'm going, it won't be a lie.
@STOTLE: If you read the instructions carefully, the first step to making any microwavable lunch is to throw away the box and dig it out of the trash
@trentistweeting: "doctor, help! my son shattered one of his kneecaps!" it's ok, the human body can survive on one kid-knee