@SarahFemme: Sometimes people suck the life out of me like there's a prize at the bottom.
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@Introvert_Dad: *wife puts down dinner plate* *single pea rolls off plate* Me: oh no we have an esca-pea Wife: Me: I don't care I think it's still funny
@kelkulus: Girls hate it when you give them Christmas presents with an implied expectation, like an iron, a food processor, or knee pads.
@ChipKellysBalls: House is a mess ... Walked in the other day and there were 2 people on the couch blindfolded and filming a Fabreeze commercial