@StellaRtwot: Sometimes the last thing people hear before they're murdered is the sound of their pen that they won't stop clicking.
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@le_buns: they probably named the Rocky mountains first and then saw all the other mountains and were like "oh"
@mjkspeaks: Someone flipped me off so I threw my wallet at him and said "I love you." He didn't even die. Killing people with kindness is hard.
@jngraphs: Another normal evening Cook food - 30 minutes Eat it - 5 minutes Check Facebook - 1 minute Check Twitter - 8 hours
@slimmy_shady: Breaking news!? Shark sighting off Daytona shores. It's the ocean! That's where they live. I saw a bird in the sky. Report that too!