@drxubair: Sometimes things are not what they appear. Just because I am sitting with an open book doesn't mean that I am studying.
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@J0hnnyBlaze: How do girls remember every word of an argument? I don't remember what I had for dinner and I'm eating it now
@djdarrellripley: Her: I dreamt I was being murdered. Me: Was I the one who was murdering you? Her: No. Me: (Sigh) Well, was I helping in any way at all?
@bombsydoll: Aliens scoop me up & put me in a big glass jar w holes poked in the lid. They scatter Pringles inside to simulate my natural environment.
@Jenny4ashley: Interviewer: Your resume says that you're good at multitasking [me while painting nails]: Obvi Interviewer: Please stop touching my nails