@bourgeoisalien: Sometimes to take a break from frightening election news, I watch something far less horrifying like 'The Shining' or 'Silence of the Lambs'
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@juliussharpe: That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.
@ElleOhHell: Raise your hand if this is your first time under a helicopter. Ah, sorry to make an example of you Johnson, but that's why we never do that.
@OfficialMizGin: I put a message in an empty wine bottle and threw it in the ocean. It said, “Please refill and return to sender.” Now I wait.