@bourgeoisalien: Sometimes to take a break from frightening election news, I watch something far less horrifying like 'The Shining' or 'Silence of the Lambs'
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@avaricious1: How come the only people who can open childproof lids are children? My nephew charges me two vicodin just to open the bottle.
@DrDogMD: PATIENT: I've been so stressed out lately. What can I do? DR DOG (tail wagging like crazy): Studies show that petting dogs relieve stress
@AGreaterMonster: I feel bad I punched that guy, but he shouldn't get so close to my punching bag. I should stop leaving my punching bag by my office door.
@BuckyIsotope: WIFE: *yells into basement* Our savings account is entirely empty. Do you know what happened? ME: *assembling robot monkey butler* No idea