@KevinFarzad: Sometimes u see the moon during the day and it's like, wow, how embarrassing. Showed up early because you were bored? Get a life, nerd moon.
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@Darlainky: *hands envelope to Santa* I trust you’ll remember this donation to your toy factory when you’re deciding which list I belong on.
@Dawn_M_: Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again.
@secondofhername: Friend: I'm about to appear in court. Me: Best of luck! Kill it!! Friend:...not exactly the best phrase to use in a medical negligence case.
@novicefather: My 3yo just told me that he loves to make babies and I don't know what it means but I'm terrified.