@realHamOnWry: Sometimes Victoria's Secret is Victor's secret on weekends.
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@AmishPornStar1: Rumor has it, that if you look up from your phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.
@JaneBadall: My son just paced back and forth dictating his letter to Santa like a high-powered CEO. Forget Prada, the Devil wears Ironman pyjamas.
@ahumanfireball: A perk of being in your thirties is waking up injured because you slept in a slightly different way than usual.
@squirrel74wkgn: Me (answers phone): HELL-o Mom: Hi, honey. Your Dad is trying to change the time on the VCR you bought us in 83 Me: Please leave a message