@realHamOnWry: Sometimes Victoria's Secret is Victor's secret on weekends.
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@upsidedowntrash: [at séance] Me: If you truly are a ghost why don't you move this object Ghost: If you truly are a human why don't you get your shit together
@Donna_McCoy: You can tell a lot about a person by how early their neighbors call the cops on Thanksgiving.
@BetteMidler: Donald Trump calls on Hillary to shut down her foundation. Meanwhile, we’re all still begging him to choose a more natural color for his.