@realHamOnWry: Sometimes Victoria's Secret is Victor's secret on weekends.
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@TheBoydP: "If your father asks you to pick up 5 large bags of ice, the best place to put them is in the backyard in direct sun" ~My son apparently
@StarWarsProblms: Kylo Ren: I can't read your mind! How are you resisting me?! Rey: Occlumency lessons from Professor Snape.
@FlyJ_: NyQuil: Because who doesn't like to dream about your cat turning into your dog and your dog taking you for a walk and picking up your poop.
@FatherWithTwins: Me: Guys, please, I just need 5 minutes without a question, so I can finish this. 4yos: Me: 4yos: Me: 4yo: Why do you need 5 minutes, Daddy?