@crushingbort: sometimes when a man and a woman love each other very much they decide to bring a tiny shitting bald man screaming into the world
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@joshgondelman: If I have a son, he's going to be named Alvin Simon Theodore, and it'll be funny as hell whenever anyone gets mad and yells his full name.
@cameronrbrown: Just one more week until I can finally eat candy out of my socks again.... without looking weird.
@NoticablyBacon: Me: lets go on a date Her: umm Me: what could go wrong *25 minutes later we are being chased by a pack of raccoons*
@iamch0pper: if you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, "in jesus name amen"