@fuzzlime: sometimes when I finish eating a bag of microwave popcorn I try to eat a couple unpopped kernels just to convince myself it's really over
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@bakedbrotatoes: -You talkin to my girl? *pops knuckles* -What if I am? *cracks neck* *dislocates shoulder* *breaks collarbone* *fractures skull*
@UrFavAsianGuy: Sorry girls, I'm no Bruno Mars, I won't catch a grenade for you. In fact, if such situation ever happened, I'd use you as a human shield.
@roggyie: If my "check engine" light would check my wallet, it would know there's nothing I can do about it.
@SaraMansford: Netflix: Want to keep watching? Me: Do we really need to do this? Netflix: It's just, it's been 75 hours and I can hear your kids crying.