@Jack_Wagon1: Sometimes when I get a retweet... I blow on my phone, twirl it and slide it into my belt holster, then ride off into the sunset like a dork.
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@MableGertrude: It's funny how you think it's your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: Don't tweet that Me: *thinks about it* Wife: I'll divorce you Me: *thinks harder* Wife: And give you all 4 kids Me: *hits delete*
@MikeCanRant: People wont mess with you if you eat a cup of yogurt and then smash it on your forehead because youre tough and have healthy bowel movements