@Jack_Wagon1: Sometimes when I get a retweet... I blow on my phone, twirl it and slide it into my belt holster, then ride off into the sunset like a dork.
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@turboescortdude: Hey babies, I can do 12 push-ups. Impressed? Doap. Typo, meant babes. Impressed? No? Oh. Well then. Impressed babies?
@BuckyIsotope: WISE MAN #1: I brought gold for the babe WISE MAN #2: frankincense WISE MAN #3: myrrh ME: *pulls out Chili’s gift card* I hate you guys
@AlexRogaski: Me: Yes honey.. I know.. a stroller for the baby. I got it. *hangs up* Salesman: As I was saying, the largest hamster ball we sell is a-