@Jack_Wagon1: Sometimes when I get a retweet... I blow on my phone, twirl it and slide it into my belt holster, then ride off into the sunset like a dork.
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@PaperWash: [stranded on Mars] me: [journal day 1] I have enough rations for 300 maybe 400 days me: [journal day 2] I am out of rations
@EndhooS: boss: have you been here all night? me: [jumps awake at my desk] uh, yeah. boss: trouble at home? me: there's a seagull standing on my car
@derekblackmon: I don't mean to sound like a hypochondriac but I was diagnosed with the flu today & I feel like it's been coming on for a few years now.