@Jack_Wagon1: Sometimes when I get a retweet... I blow on my phone, twirl it and slide it into my belt holster, then ride off into the sunset like a dork.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@michaelianblack: Police inspectors on British mystery shows always seem to know the murder victim. Moral: do not befriend any British police inspectors.
@hotdogsladies: Whenever our neighbor's dog is barking, I know there's either someone at their door or literally anything else in the universe has happened.
@DanMentos: "So what do you do?" I'm a wordsmith "A what?" A writer. I deal with words. How about you? "Oh I'm a uh… weedsmith"
@3sunzzz: If I was stranded on a snowy mountaintop with friends and had to resort to cannibalism, the most horrific part would be not having ketchup.