@wickedimproper: Sometimes when I want to make my girlfriend feel skinny, I just release about 25% of her from the air valve.
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@robyn_vo: I just violently threw up for 6 minutes and now my coworkers think I'm the lead singer of Creed.
@Book_Krazy: Judge: So, you don't know how the victims blood got in your car? Clown: In my defense Your Honor, there were 46 other passengers in the car
@lemmywinkler: The "oops, wrong hole" excuse doesn't work when she catches you with her best friend.