@bfrosty04: Sometimes when I'm sad, I'll go to the park and, from a distance, look thru my thumb and index finger and begin squishing people's heads...
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@WilliamAder: If HBO released all ten episodes of Game of Thrones at once, maybe I'd be able to remember the characters' names from episode to episode.
@TheCatWhisprer: Telling my toddler not to chase the cat around with her nunchucks is easily the coolest thing I've ever said as a dad or a human.
@Nawyourecrazy: Headed to a wedding and my guy friends told me to take pics of hot women for them. *selfies*