@emmatheist: Sometimes when my boyfriend makes a racist joke I am like Ugh why did I even imagine you?
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@DaddyJew: If you had a choice between owning a dragon or world peace, what would you name your dragon?
@kendracomedy: Whenever the Starbucks guy asks for my name I laugh and whisper "I'm seeing someone"
@JanineEB4: My kids in public are direct payback for every time I shriek'd PLEASE DON'T HIT ME AGAIN at my mom in the middle of a crowded mall as a kid.
@MichLKosinski: Music teacher comes to our house. Gives our kid a significant, noticeable haircut. Tells no one. Then leaves. !!!