@loribuckmajor: Sometimes when my family is especially ungrateful, I don't wash the vegetables when I make their salads.
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@natedog2049: What is this alien looking thing in a wig trying to sing? Oh wait thats Nicki Minaj. Why would an alien in a wig pick Nicki Minaj as a name?
@Prof_Hinkley: [announcement over PA at work] "FREE TACOS IN THE BREAKROOM" *I walk there so fast the noise from my corduroys breaks everyone's eyeglasses*
@MacAnnabella: "You're prettier than I remember, you were SO FAT the last time I saw you!" TY Uncle Bob, I was 8months pregnant. *spits in his pumpkin pie