@loribuckmajor: Sometimes when my family is especially ungrateful, I don't wash the vegetables when I make their salads.
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@theshamingofjay: A soft drink is just a drink that needs a minute. Just give it a minute, this has never happened to it before.
@KyleMcDowell86: *dog walks into a pet store wearing a fake moustache* "Hello sir or ma'am I would like to lovingly adopt your most delicious cat"
@andrewdrafts: If I say "Bloody Mary" three times in the mirror in the dark I get a free drink, right?
@Tylerosis: I say I want a gf but I don't even know what I'd do with one. Do you just kiss her and leave her alone in a corner? How often does it eat?