@loribuckmajor: Sometimes when my family is especially ungrateful, I don't wash the vegetables when I make their salads.
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@MissBamantha: Nothing in the history of the English language has backfired more than the phrase "calm down."
@chrissyteigen: I really really really really clearly am not a PC type of gal but I'm a little weirded out at the oriental dressing option on my flight
@jtrulez: To successfully fight a bear, strike it firmly in the sternum with an open palm. Congratulations. You are now fighting a bear.
@Tmoney68: Parents are hiring drug-sniffing dogs to find their kids' drugs. I couldn't do it. My kid already doesn't trust me, according to her diary.