@loribuckmajor: Sometimes when my family is especially ungrateful, I don't wash the vegetables when I make their salads.
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@Tmoney68: As the fridge door was about to shut, I grabbed pizza & barely got my arm out before it closed. *Legally changes name to Indiana Jones*
@Rollinintheseat: My newly married friend begins most sentences with, "My husband said." My go to response is, "My dogs haven't said much today."
@Whitnuts: I always try to tell myself that I don't actually hate people as much as I say I do...and then I go to the mall.
@Shot_Of_Cabo: I'll never call a radio station because I'm afraid they'll give me tickets to go somewhere and do something.