@sammyrhodes: Sometimes you feel like you've grown. Other times you pout for a few hours because your wife accidentally threw away your Tabasco sauce.
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@Ohaiqtpie: On a poster in my math class "4 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions" The sad thing is my first thought was "Oh good, I'm not alone!"
@SirFlushaLot: "This is wrong on sooo many levels" I say to my victims as I rob them at gun point on elevators.
@panmidwest: [Walk into a Cat Cafe] Me-I've never eaten cat. What do you recommend? Lady-They're for adopting not eating M-Oh, well can I adopt one? L-No
@buhsbaby_baby: I feel like auto-correct should know by now that I'd never ask anyone to "jazz" all over my face.