@sammyrhodes: Sometimes you feel like you've grown. Other times you pout for a few hours because your wife accidentally threw away your Tabasco sauce.
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@totallymel: my grandfather destroyed the economy w/ the overproduction of coins he pulled from behind my ears. the market simply could not deal
@TeejayRush: Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces... For example, I'm going to the liquor store and I'm scared that it may be closed...
@chrissyteigen: Does the baby have access to my ribs? It feels like they're bars and she's an old timey prisoner with a tin mug
@DillDoes: *rubs lamp* Genie: "you get three wishes" Me: "I wish I wasn't so alone" Genie: "k wow I'm like right here"