@iGreenMonk: Sometimes you just got to listen to your heart, and my heart is like "listen to your stomach".
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@slimmy_shady: Drink this wine, it's the blood of Christ.Eat this bread, it's the body of Christ.Jesus pulls out hotdog, "Now hear me out"
@XOperfectmessXO: Nothing screams passive agressive quite like letting your spouse sleep in, while also letting the kids play loudly outside the bedroom door
@tchrquotes: Bear boss: I need to see you two in my office right away. *I see my coworker is nervous* Me: Relax, how bad can it be. Salmon: Shut. Up.
@Book_Krazy: TEACHER: Its report card day Timmy TIMMY: I'm scared to look. TEACHER: Don't worry. It's all B's lol *opens it & gets engulfed by bees*