@djr_102: Sometimes you just have to roll down your car window and bark at people to see what they do.
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@rohoxbaby: Every Facebook post: *Girl posts lyrics* Elderly woman comments "Hi lucy. you're so grown up. We miss you. Tell your mom ill call Wednesday"
@BobTheSuit: CIA: So what did you call that new tracking software we put on everyone's iPhone? NSA: "U2's New Album"
@bencoffeehall: My report card always said I was not living up to my full potential. Well, the joke's on them. That really was as good as I was going to get
@MensHumor: Halloween is, by far, the safest day to kill a person and leave them in a chair on your porch.