@realHamOnWry: Sometimes you'll hate a person when you first meet because it saves time.
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@MandiAtRandom: "Can you cook dinner tonight?" Can't. New meds say I can't operate any heavy machinery and that stove doesn't look light
@Tommytoughstuff: *Looks around nervously* The steam from my pasta is ungluing my chest hair toupee and the other mafia bosses are taking notice.
@hippieswordfish: ME: i need a loan so i can build a robot army to take over the world with BANKER: what M: oops i meant 'with which to take over the world'
@davedittell: the boss hands me a gun, "you know what to do." I nod. outside, I frantically google: boss gun why how to kill is killing ok regift gun ok