@jimmy_sharpe: Sometimes you've got to ask yourself: 'Why am I talking to myself?'
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@ArfMeasures: WIFE: ugh I hate this slow cooker SLOTH [still putting his apron on] I hate you too, Sharon
@blade_funner: ME: *slamming desk with fist* You'll put this up over my dead body! FUNERAL DIRECTOR: It's a lovely headstone. ME: It really is.