@kelkulus: Somewhere a guitarist sets down his instrument, pours gas on it, & lights it ablaze while Miley Cyrus naked on a wrecking ball shoots to #1.
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@SuSuSuDonym: If Paula Deen's new cookbook isn't titled 'Fifty Shades of Gravy', I'm going to lose a considerable amount of money on the bet I just made.
@thatUPSdude: Cop: Reason I pulled you over was you were swerving Me: Sorry was tryin to catch a Pokémon Cop: Which one!? I mean let me see your license
@anjadrisch: I can't remember where I parked my car an hour ago but I can recall how stupid I was at 20. Please God erase that memory & bring back my car