@kelkulus: Somewhere a guitarist sets down his instrument, pours gas on it, & lights it ablaze while Miley Cyrus naked on a wrecking ball shoots to #1.
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@Tmoney68: *quietly opens cheese wrapper* *dogs come running from upstairs* Me: How the hell did you hear that? [10 minutes later] *gf quietly opens bag of chips* Me: (from upstairs) ARE THOSE MY CHIPS?
@XplodingUnicorn: Friend: Would you ever get a tattoo? Me: Never Him: You're afraid to make a permanent mistake. Me: *looks at my 4 kids* Way ahead of you.
@GuyAdvisor: Me: You know, talking to yourself doesn't make you crazy. Me: I know, right? Me: It's a sign of advanced intelligence. Me: High-5. Me: Word.