@GianDoh: Somewhere, a real Nigerian prince is sitting at his computer wondering, "Why oh why does nobody reply to my emails?"
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@amishschool: Wife leaves keys on counter with a helpful note saying "keys" in case I thought they were llamas.
@emmatheist: [Google search history] Moles How to kill moles How to make homemade bombs Rescue moles from cave-in Dealing with regret Mole stew
@nonsensetwit: My fear of spiders happened when I went to hit one with a newspaper, and it looked at me and did pushups saying "try again bro."