@tonsmorecowbell: Somewhere in Africa, a bunch of orphans are about to be running around in confederate flag shirts.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@iamburtjarvis: [in bed] her: u have done this before, right? me: yes, of course. righty-tighty, lefty-loosey her: what? me: what?
@LindaInDisguise: If my partner didn't want me to wear yoga pants because they make me too attractive to other men, I'd respect his wishes and take them off.
@thinkingparsnip: *DJ drops the beet* ERRYBODY IN THE CLUB begins wondering why the DJ would bring a root vegetable to work with him.
@meh_thinks: The phrase “A stone’s throw” has been discontinued. Please use “In Wifi range” from now on.