@juneohara65: Somewhere in my brain is a tiny gland that blinds me to unwashed dishes.
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@FatherWithTwins: Me: Are you still wearing pajamas? Go change. 4yo: *Goes upstairs *Comes down wearing different pair of pajamas
@ItsAndyRyan: Judge: For the crimes you have committed you will go to prison for 10 years Me: That's a long sentence! Judge: Ok - "you get 10 years"
@st00pidfast: I can't make you love me but I can tie you up and feed you until you're too fat to be loved by anyone else.