@juneohara65: Somewhere in my brain is a tiny gland that blinds me to unwashed dishes.
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@Fred_Delicious: Doctor - "you've been bitten by a spider. Ever see that movie Spider-Man?" Me - "no?" Doctor - "and I'm afraid you never will. You're dying"
@13spencer: I'd like to think that my exes see me as "the one who got away," but it's probably more like "the one who got away from the police."