@Norsebysw: Somewhere on a windy pasture under this moon there's a barbed wire fence I left more of myself on than I realized.
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@Torriable: I just met the most interesting man at the laundromat And then I realized that he can't even afford A washer or a dryer
@stephenjmolloy: Karate instructor: Come at me with an attack and I will defend it. Me: You are stupid. Instructor: *holding back tears* I meant physically
@gogglepossum: Cop: [knocks] Dinosaur: can I help you? Cop: we've had reports of small arms fire [Flaming T-Rex runs past screaming]
@dreadnaught69: People who incessantly go on and on about replacing things that taste good with quinoa, please stop