@KKAlThani: Somewhere right now, a girl just uploaded a picture of a place she went to in the past with a caption that says "take me back </3"
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@bobbiejo448: I love how all the characters in kids shows are always SO thrilled while at work. Like Bob never gets pissed over a missing screwdriver.
@goodhairperson: [murder occurs] ME: how terrible. why can't we love each other [someone slightly inconveniences me] ME: I will execute your entire family
@Kyle_Lippert: My ex and I would role play from time to time. She would dress up as a teacher and call my mother to tell her that I ate the Crayons again.
@david8hughes: [son's football game] Other dad: which one's yours? Me: I can't remember. I just wait for him in the car when the games over