@ImHopel3ss: Somewhere, someplace, there's a hole in the world & inside it there's a bunch of gremlins hoarding the 50,000 lighters I can't find.
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@SuperDadish: Conversations get real after midnight. 11:59 pm - "I love ramen noodles" 12:01am - "I feel like I can trust you. I killed a man once"
@shutupmikeginn: [my first cutaway on The Bachelorette] I can eat more roses than any of these guys
@CorkyCrash: I'm happiest when people tell me "Don't be a hero" because there's absolutely no way I'm going to disappoint them.
@BuckyIsotope: I will be celebrating Columbus Day by setting sail for India, landing in Spain, and telling everyone who lives there to move out.