@ImHopel3ss: Somewhere, someplace, there's a hole in the world & inside it there's a bunch of gremlins hoarding the 50,000 lighters I can't find.
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@_theigirl: Only in America: We have a holiday devoted to gratitude & then less than 12 hrs later beat the shit out of each other for a $10 crockpot.
@AristotlesNZ: Dont lie about your job, just word it better. Ex: "I handle client transactions at a fortune 500 multi-national corp" vs "I cashier at KFC"
@bourgeoisalien: No, please continue to talk loudly on the phone, smoke & spit next to my table. No problem! I'm just going to follow you home and kill you.
@Laser_Cat: If Skyrim has taught me anything, it's that you should always check people's urns for gold. Don't be afraid. Pull grandma off the mantle.