@runawaycupcake: Son: Can you teach me about fractions? Me: Sure. I love 2/3 of my children.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@JennyJohnsonHi5: It's not fair how many boring things my nephew gets out of going to simply by shitting his pants.
@juliussharpe: People with Bluetooth headsets always look like the least important people you could possibly call.
@usermcuserface: My throat hurts, so I better keep swallowing 50 times a minute to make sure it still hurts.
@ibid78: "I see your bet and raise you all my hair since 6th grade. Oh and this pen." "Sir that's not- "You got a problem with pens?"