@SomeChrisTweets: Son, I'm not a mad scientist, just a disappointed scientist.
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@MEQ_777: Question : if you fart at the gym can people wearing headphones still smell it? Asking for a friend
@krisv_723: I'm here to make a donation. Nun: Blessings, the orphans could use... *Shoving my kid at her- A brother? I'd like a receipt. For my taxes.
@KalvinMacleod: HR: How do you think we can better handle this in the future? ME [glaring at Cheryl, who took the last donut]: idk, maybe don’t hire Cheryl
@DVSblast: OK I GOT TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS WHOLE HILLARY EMAILS THING. TURNS OUT THEYRE LIKE A FAST KIND OF MAIL THAT GOES IN THE COMPUTER.