@lawblob: Son, its time we had 'the talk.' [dad removes shirt, starts projector, chugs 4 beers] Ok! So Tower 1 steel beams could only have melted at-
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@dafloydsta: [at Starbucks] ME: One large starbuck please. BARISTA: Sir, that's not even a- ME: Sorry, one venti starbuck please.
@SteussieErica: Husband: We should go to Costco. Me [still in pajamas]: So I should change? H: I said Costco, not Walmart. Me:*puts on nicer pajamas*
@XOperfectmessXO: Nothing screams passive agressive quite like letting your spouse sleep in, while also letting the kids play loudly outside the bedroom door