@lawblob: Son, its time we had 'the talk.' [dad removes shirt, starts projector, chugs 4 beers] Ok! So Tower 1 steel beams could only have melted at-
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@haleysfalling: I've decided that I'm going to start texting people back. That's it. That's the joke.
@pixelatedboat: It's bullshit that dogs get their own heaven but we humans have to go to the same heaven as moths and tractors
@Reverend_Scott: I hate when I drop my pen on the floor and it's slightly out of reach so I leave it there forever.
@ilovepie84: A Cobra wanted to fight me but I challenged him to a thumb war and he slitthered away embarrassed.