@MichaelTrying: Son of Sam I Am, a serial killer who targets people who won't try new foods.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Z_Mendenhall: Remember when you first started driving and everything was scary. Now you're going 80, putting salsa on your taco, driving with your knees.
@XplodingUnicorn: [scale says I've gained 5 pounds] Me: It's probably just what I'm wearing. Wife: You're naked. Me: Wife: Me: It's a heavy deodorant.
@jakob_huber: Barista: I have a latte for *3 second long screeching noise* Velociraptor: Actually it's *4 second long screeching noise* but close enough
@slimmy_shady: At Walmart checkout other day:Cashier: "you have a dog?" Scanning dog food.Hubz: No, our kid needs the protein.