@MichaelTrying: Son of Sam I Am, a serial killer who targets people who won't try new foods.
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@KalvinMacleod: [date] HER: ok let’s both say our greatest fear at the same time, 3 2 1 HER: being alone ME: a clown eating my hotdog
@david8hughes: All you dads out there couldn't hold a candle to my dad. He's petrified of candles.
@alesiavsworld: Creep yelling from window: "HEY SEXY WHERE YO MAN?" Me yelling back: "HE DEAD" Him: "WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?" Me: "HE YELLED AT ME"
@Tmoney68: [Hunting Robots] Me: You a robot? Robot: Would a robot read this? *shows me copy of Totally Not A Robot magazine* M: Hm. That checks out.