@WetzelGeek: Son, there's no need for a paternity test. I knew you were mine when you came prematurely.
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@eric10F: "will you be paying with cash or credit?" "Cash" *start playing "ring of fire" on my kazoo *gets tackled by security*
@LemmingDad: When children vomit, sometimes it sounds like they're saying the names of Ikea furniture.
@dafloydsta: ME: When Princess Leia kissed Luke, did you know they were brother and sister? GEORGE LUCAS: *laying in bed* How did you even get in here?