@Browtweaten: *A tree barges into a barber shop and starts kicking the hair piles* HOW DO YOU LIKE IT, HUH

@AndyAsAdjective: "IF THE EASTER BUNNY HAD TIME TO HIDE ALL THESE EGGS AROUND THE HOUSE, IT SURE AS HELL HAD TIME TO DO A COUPLE OF LOADS OF LAUNDRY"

@CharmandBrains: *Whispers, spitters are for quitters. ~Wine tasting, you pervs!

@PRIDEofLOWELL: "I lost my Khakis" - a guy from Boston who lost his car keys.

@bazecraze: People used to dress as monsters for Halloween. Now they dress as characters from shows you don't watch.