@animaldrumss: son, you don't need to close your eyes, it's just a movie. the killer from the movie can still get you even if you're not watching it
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@nice_mustard: what if you thought you had met your soul mate but then you saw them put mayonnaise on a hotdog
@dafloydsta: [buying a wood chipper] ME: So does blood splatter everywhere when a body goes in? SALESMAN: What? ME: What?
@Sassafrantz: When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.
@better_off_dad: I wouldn't call it 'passive aggressive', but I do send the glitter Christmas cards to the people who annoy me.