@Manda_like_wine: Son, your father and I have something to tell you - you were adopted. Your new parents are waiting outside in the car.
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@DrDogMD: PATIENT: my stomach is killing me, doc DR DOG: I've got just the thing for you *hands him a prescription bottle filled with grass*
@TheCiscoKidder: My wife never catches me scoping out the hot chick because she's too busy judging the hot chick.
@imence2: Some people have no respect. It's obvious I'm on my phone trying to do something & this guys all "STEP OUT OF THE CAR WITH YOUR HANDS UP!"