@drewjanda: Son, your mother and I looked at your browser history. Frankly, it's not pretty. Do you for real need a walkthrough for Call Of Duty
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@MarfSalvador: [being buried alive] murderer: *out of breath* how are you eating the dirt so quickly
@TheRealDratch: Trying to get lunch w 4 yo in restaurant: "If you can't behave we're going to have to leave here." "But I want to leave here." Touché.
@HitsBelowBelt: You know that feeling you get when you meet someone and your heart skips a beat? Ya, that's arrhythmia. You can die from that.