@SamePageDifDay: Soo... I guess when he asked for my number he didn't mean how many lovers I've had?
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@manwhohasitall: Wife online? Kids asleep? Time to relax & unwind with a damp cloth and a bottle of multi-surface cleaner. 'Me time'.
@trumpetcake: I melted down all my various rewards cards into a universal "Rewards Dagger" that gets me a discount everywhere.
@PaperWash: [wife gets home] did you feed the baby his spinach today? [me doing push ups] hell no I'm not letting that baby get stronger than me
@SomthinBoutSara: I've stepped on a Lego before so I'm calling bullshit on Godzilla and King Kong being that difficult to take down