@thenoahkinsey: SOON I WILL DESTROY ALL OF YOUR HEROES AND TAKE MY PLACE AS YOUR WORLD LEADER BUT FIRST WHAT IS YOUR MOM'S CASSEROLE RECIPE IT IS DELIGHTFUL
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@AbrasiveGhost: WIFE: I think he's in a midlife crisis "Why, did he buy a new car?" WIFE: not yet [I pull up on a sleigh pulled by roughly 1000 raccoons]
@LaziestCanine: First date: [ok, don't let her know you're a t-rex] Her: I absolutely love it when guys open the car door for me Me: Shit.
@AndyAsAdjective: *steps out of time machine* SCIENTIST: so did you kill Hitler? ME: [holding a cute little baby triceratops] um yeah, about that…