@SortaBad: "Sooo sorry I fell asleep during your wedding. It was rude but your vows were like SO long. Anyway, you may now kiss the bride"
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@michaelianblack: Finally saw the new Batman. SPOILER ALERT: the Bane character is up to no good.
@truegritrumble: KID:I drew you a picture! ME:What's this? KID:Our house. ME:What's the orange stuff? KID:Fire. ME:Why's the house on fire? KID:I wanna PS4.
@Scott_A_Gilmore: I gave up and "folded" the fitted sheet into a rope so I could shimmy down from the 3rd floor to escape folding laundry.
@XplodingUnicorn: Kids: *doing something they shouldn't* Me: Stop or I'll be mad Kids: *keep doing it* Me: Stop or Mom will be mad Kids:*stop immediately*