@SortaBad: "Sooo sorry I fell asleep during your wedding. It was rude but your vows were like SO long. Anyway, you may now kiss the bride"
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@RickAaron: I hired a pizza chef as my new golf coach. One way or another the dude is gonna fix my slice.
@KayRants: Ignoring your text is easy. It's having to park my car 8 blocks away so you think I'm not home when you drive by that's awkward.
@soccerskiingmom: If any Americans still feel like emigrating to Canada, can you please bring up some Thanksgiving leftovers?