@DirtMcTurd: Sorry about the typos lately you gays.
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@CornOnTheGoblin: [bar trivia night] and remember no using your phones unless it's an emergency me: [five minutes later] hello 911? are butterflies insects?
@Jazzzzzmina: How strict is the "I licked it, it's mine" policy? There's some things I've licked that I don't want.
@joss: Mean people tell me "you've got a face only a mother could love" but the joke's on them because she didn't
@AmishPornStar1: Teachers at the pre-school ask why I'm in a good mood in the morning... I'm like, "Duh...did you not see me just leave my kids with you?"