@DirtMcTurd: Sorry about the typos lately you gays.
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@SomeChrisTweets: Foal me once, I have a baby horse. Foal me twice, no one needs this many baby horses. Foal me thrice, please stop. I have no room for them.
@dance_blessed: Lust is not real love and Domino's is not real pizza but both are fine when you're drunk.
@thereverendcink: If I ever only have 3 months to live, I want my ex wife to be with me. That would be the longest 3 months of my life.
@Adam14: Coworker: I have a degree in History. Me: That'll really come in handy if life starts going backwards.