@WarrenHolstein: Sorry, but Apple making driverless cars isn't breaking news. It's been going on ever since they introduced the iPhone.
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@13spencer: After Captain America was thawed from the ice, his first encounter with a Japanese-American must've been really awkward.
@KateWhineHall: Dear parents who line up 45 minutes early in the school pick-up line, I don't understand.
@iQuoteComedy: Girl: "Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" Guy: "Both, now get in the van."