@JennyJohnsonHi5: Sorry, but your kids don't look adorable when they lose their teeth, they look like tiny homeless people.
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@TheAlexP: *dog pokes me with nose* *stop, it's late* (Dog looks at me with sad eyes) *ugh, ok* [sets up poker table for him and his friends]
@okimstillhungry: *1st day in hell* Devil: So you just sit in this room and people give you gifts Me: Oh nice Devil: And you have to react to each one Me: NO
@abbycohenwl: Doc: The good news is this is a surprise birthday party! Patient: But my birthday's not till next month Doc:Which brings me to the bad news