@JennyJohnsonHi5: Sorry, cancer kids. Our prayers are going elsewhere. RT @KimKardashian: So scared I'm not gonna make my flight to Australia! Pray I make it!
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@Discourt: INSTAGRAM IS DOWN. I REPEAT. INSTAGRAM IS DOWN. HOLD THE DUCKFACES. HOLD THE MEALS. HOLD EVERYTHING.
@fro_vo: Me: trump keeps obfuscating the truth Wife: i see you learned a new word Me: i obfuscately did Wife: Me: what are we obfuscating for dinner
@TheDailySchmuck: If someone upsets you, write a nasty letter and file it away before you say something you might regret. Then punch the person in the face.