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@SoVeryBritish: “Sorry, could I just squeeze by?”
<person doesn’t move an inch>
@Kyle_Raney: "This won't end well, mark my words.
Mark, my words.
MY WORDS! I NEED MY WORDS, MARK!!!"
*Mark sweatily fumbles with the script*
@Sanbel11: Police officer: Have you had anything to drink?
PO:Ok, blow into here
Me:But there are no candles
PO:Ma'am please get out of the car
@ObviousOstrich: Spiders cannot fly and we should all be very happy about that.
@carlyken: Give it to me straight
"I'd really like to have sex with you-"
Now give it to me gay
@Mister_Gravity: I don't understand the big hubbub about missing divers. They're probably just underwater.