@nealbrennan: Sorry for illegally downloading your music, guy who mostly makes songs about doing crime.
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@TheAlexP: Whenever I hear "let me tell you the truth", I secretly cross my fingers, hoping they say "brownies are healthy, eat as many as you want."
@SharkJelly: *I cycle off mt Rushmore and fall to my death but my bicycle lands on the end of Lincolns nose and makes a perfect pair of reading glasses*
@SwartyComedy: They'll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that's been open for more than 2 years.
@gerryhallcomedy: "I really wish I could squeeze that piano over and over" - guy who invented the accordion