@DickScurvy: Sorry for releasing thousands of shrieking bats at your wedding. Sometimes I don't know what to do with my hands.
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@all_about_today: Immortality sounded great when I was 23, but now that I'm 38 it just sounds exhausting.
@iwearaonesie: wife on facebook: homework with 9, he's doing so well! wife to me: it took him 8 tries to spell cake. CAKE. grab some wine on your way home
@GrantTanaka: I swear to god I'm not harassing you, I'm really out of shape that's just my labored breathing