@DickScurvy: Sorry for releasing thousands of shrieking bats at your wedding. Sometimes I don't know what to do with my hands.
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@LnL245: M: Um, you just spelled "qwerty" as "querty". H: So? M: Look at the keyboard. H: And? M: [Breaking fourth wall look to camera]
@TheRealRHB: Debit card was repeatedly declined at the grocery store today. I was trying to buy vegetables so the bank just assumed the card was stolen
@jbryantiii: As a young child my mom told me I could be anything I wanted to be. It turns out that the police call this identity theft.