@Douchekevin: If you ever saw me race to the liquor store 5 mins before it closes, you'd hire me for a getaway driver in a bank heist any day.

@TheWriteStuff2u: Dyslexics are teople poo!

@MadamBetteNoire: Dance like you aren't depressed. Sing like you didn't kill that homeless guy. Love like you don't have herpes.

@NicolaJSwinney: Leaflet through the door telling me I can enjoy sex at 75. Which is handy, because I live at number 81.

@trevso_electric: Talking about your ex makes it sound like you're not over them. Hide their body and move on like a normal person.