@mikeleffingwell: Sorry, "hella" was an inappropriate word choice. I was trying to be cool. I'll rephrase: Your son is totally missing.
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@Dis0beyJay: *First Date* Friend: Women like a little rebellion in a guy Me:Ok *Later* Her: So, tell me about your day? Me: I don't have to tell you shit
@tanialunreal: Thank goodness I'm loud and obnoxious all the time, so my family can't blame it on the alcohol.
@SodomyClown: I don't kill spiders because when spiders become our mutant overlords and eat us, they will look at me and say, "She's cool. Let her live."
@david8hughes: [pinned down by sniper fire] Squad leader: I'm going in. Hughes, lay down some cover for me Me [putting a blanket on the floor]: you betcha