@atanya1111: "Sorry, her father is a pterodactyl" - me with the screeching baby in the grocery store.
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@chimneyspotter: DR: Are you sexually active? ME: Very DR: Eating donuts alone in your car doesn't count ME: Still yes DR: Neither do croissants ME: Then no
@NoogsCorner: Me: It actually takes light around 8 minutes to travel from the Sun to Earth. Her: Umm light is instant. Everyone knows that. Me: Go home.
@PeteBlackburn: Biden: I wonder if I’ll still get free ice cream when I’m no longer VP Obama: Joe, we have bigger problems. Biden: