@atanya1111: "Sorry, her father is a pterodactyl" - me with the screeching baby in the grocery store.
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@peachesanscream: My nephew told me all he wants for Christmas is his dead dog back. Can't WAIT to see his face when I wrap it up and stick it under the tree.
@1evilidiot: It's funny when you tell someone that you don't like people, they always think you mean other people.