@TheNardvark: Sorry honey, they were all out of Turnt Triscuits.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@bmarked21: My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says "declined" whenever you use it.
@AbbyHasIssues: I just typed "cupkale" instead of "cupcake" and accidentally invented what has to be the worst dessert idea ever.
@dance_blessed: Dear car commercials, You probably don't mean to scare me but "German engineering" is also why I don't have so many cousins today.
@FatherWithTwins: Someone cut in front of me in the salad bar line today. I didn't do anything because anyone who wants a salad that badly terrifies me.