@TheNardvark: Sorry honey, they were all out of Turnt Triscuits.
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@Chase_Observes: Don’t believe in aliens, huh? Explain how people in the 1800s got on top of those bicycles with the huge front wheels.
@jennalynn518: Whenever a bill collector calls I just give the phone to my toddler and tell her it's Barney.
@AndrewNadeau0: ME: Not all heroes eat crepes. HIM: It's "Not all heroes wear capes." ME: Oh, so do all heroes eat crepes? HIM: ME: Then shut up.
@amydillon: H: Is there anything new you want to try in bed? M: Actually... *stretches out alone in bed, sleeps for 8 hours* M: That was amazing.