@TripleFlip66: Sorry I booped your nose during your meltdown ..
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@GorillaNipples1: *wife is out of town* Do I dare leave the toilet seat up? *looks around and shrugs* Screw it. This is my house. *falls into toilet at 3AM*
@MariyaAlexander: [trying to make friends as an adult] May I interest you in tolerating me for a moment
@TheAlexNevil: First day of school and 8's teacher has already sent a note home with him: "You dropped your son off at the wrong school."